oakland

Rows of couches and tents

Makeshift living rooms underneath an overpass
I pass them by

---

feb 2018

pretty

Pretty is a trap by the patriarchy

Designed to force your brainspace

To focus on minute trivial details

Like the wrinkles beneath your eyes

Or the unnatural hairlessness of your legs

This trap was created when men realized

That it is easier to control pretty

Than it is to control smart or funny or really, most other adjectives

Pretty is a scepter that points to the majority of women and renders them invisible

This is until, at least, they are able to afford a beauty regimen or surgery that paints over their invisible skin and render them worthy enough to be seen

Either way that you become seen, this is a temporary phenomenon that expires by the time you’re 30, 40 if you’re lucky

Cute is a manifestation of pretty

Cute is when pretty gets mad but in a non threatening way

Cute is when pretty knows things but is still embarrassed that she does

Cute is when pretty is having Adult emotions while not having Adult confidence

Hot is the sexual manifestation of pretty

Hot is used to pit pretty girls against each other

Hot is being uncomfortable and unnatural for the affection of a partner

In porn and Hollywood, hot is when a woman is has all the right confines of pretty but she is able to sharpen the tools she was given to be the perfect screw herself

Hot is the image of sexual desire and satisfaction with 0 of the actual orgasms

Hot is a series of contradictions created by people who can only imagine a woman being able to wield power through sexuality

It isn’t that these words are inherently bad

Or that physical beauty is not part of humanity

But it is the belief that the basis of our worth lies on our flawed definition of Pretty

—

feb 2018

——

Reading this again, I think this *has* something interesting, but it feels a little ‘high school’, maybe because ‘hot, cute, pretty’ are things that mostly teenagers care about, but eh, why not, right?

uncomfortable pt 1

Being alive means being consistently uncomfortable

Your spine curves in a way that doesn’t seem fitting for the body you have

Your fingers fidget when talking with other human beings

Your mind always goes back to the idea that maybe being alive is an illusion (and then you immediately try to forget that feeling of panic and grief and loneliness by confirming that it is a crazy idea and trying to quickly think of something funny and trivial you saw)

And even in the brief moments of comfort

There’s a voice that whispers “this will all be gone one day”

—

jan 2018

moss

There is moss that has always grown between the parting of my lips

I have waited for it to clear

Hoping that the season will change

And I will finally bloom

It is strange (and probably not so strange) that I take a passive approach to no longer being passive

—

oct 2017

corp

The corporate world

Has routine and people

Who give you tasks

Tasks that Must Be Done A S A P

It is difficult to be a full person

In the corporate world

But it is easy to be a robot

And yet it is a privilege to be a robot in this world

To not have:

blood

sweat

tears

Only swollen joints and a rusted spine

I should be grateful?

—

oct 2017

on writing

my brain is spaghetti,
and when I write,
I am wrapping the noodles around my fork in clean, easy bites
until my skull is an empty dish.

---

nov 2017

function day()

I hear a sound

I position my body to stand

Then walk

Then sit

I complete a task

I position my body to stand

Then walk

Then sit

I complete a task

I complete a task

I complete a task

I open my mouth and make a remark that I either mean or say to fill the silence

I position my body to stand

Then walk

I complete a task

I walk again

Then position my body to lay horizontally

And close my eyes

And sleep

—-

july 2017

alien collector

Sometimes I feel like I am an alien spirit in the form of a human

Collecting rocks at different earth sites and placing them in a line

Taking photos of anything that seems noteworthy and many mundane things like food

I do this so when my time is almost up and I’m leaving my body I have these artifacts to bring Home

—

july 2017

1/n -> infinity

You are one in a universe that is ever expanding

You are finite in a universe that is infinite

1/n approaches infinity , maybe you are mathematically insignificant?

–

july 2017

————–

Since I am posting old [sometimes unfinished] things I’ve written, it’s interesting to see these again and have entirely different thoughts.  I think when I began writing this, it was more about *becoming* infinite, and not as bleak as this sounds.  I was thinking about how each interaction we have, whether it is simple as breathing air, having a conversation, taking a walk, it multiplies our effect on the universe and in turn connects us to everything.

Maybe I’ll return to this at some point.

PoeTrY dUmP

It’s happening….

I’ll be including random poetry I’ve written on my long commutes here.